Living Abroad – What Can Go Wrong? Psychological Challenges of Living Abroad

Bulgarians, Ukrainians, Romanians, Russians, Cypriots, Greeks scattered around the world are many, many fulfilled and unfulfilled dreams, successes and disappointments, hopes and suffering. Statistics show that more than a million Bulgarians live abroad, the population in Cyprus is almost 30% foreign, citizens of Romania, Poland, Italy, and Portugal are the largest groups of EU citizens who have chosen to live in another EU member state. And let's admit that most of them did not leave just like that, out of curiosity or for a change, in one way or another they were forced - looking for a better life, better pay, maybe even a more dignified life. Each of them has their own story, their own circumstances, their own reasons. Many countries are countries of emigrants, where almost every family has sent a member somewhere, grown-up children to study, parents to work, entire families go far away with the cherished dream of a better life.

In the article I will try to cover, quite generally, what are the most common psychological problems that a person living abroad, an emigrant have to face. In most cases, moving to a foreign country is experienced as a stressful situation, the individual is forced to replace a familiar environment with a completely different one. This challenges his mental potential and tests his adaptability. Rarely does this process go smoothly and without shocks. This is a process of mental adjustment so that the person can meet the requirements of his new life.

Phases of adaptation of living abroad:

Studies show that every emigrant who sets out to seek their future abroad goes through certain phases of adaptation, each with its own characteristics. While some people can go through the phases more quickly and adapt, others lag behind in one phase or another. The process depends on the individual characteristics of each person, their resources, ability to accept changes, and to act when needed. 

The euphoria phase: It takes place in anticipation of the new beginning, a tense impatience filled with great hopes, expectations, dreams and plans. The long-considered decision has already been made, the luggage is ready, you have organized everything. In this phase there is also the difficult moment of saying goodbye to relatives and friends, leaving the current workplace. This phase is experienced by most people rather positively, precisely because of the adrenaline rush and great expectations. 

The tourist phase: This phase lasts for several weeks as you have set foot in the country where you will live, you are dizzy from the new sensations, the new environment, you eagerly explore and absorb every sight, new taste, aroma, impression. Everything is interesting, new and intriguing to you. You enthusiastically make plans for the future, you talk lively with your new neighbors, new work colleagues, you share every experience with your relatives from your country. You still have the feeling that you are a tourist and you are there for a short time. When you suddenly realize that you are not a tourist, but a foreigner who is about to live in a foreign country, the phase of culture shock comes. 

The culture shock phase: It lasts from 6 months to a year. (Unfortunately, it can also become chronic, lasting for years). This phase is the most painful and most people describe it with very contradictory emotions such as anger, sadness, irritability, emotional breakdowns, tension, constant anxiety, disappointment, even depression and meaninglessness. The predominant feeling is isolation. You constantly feel isolated, the unknown and foreign are no longer exciting and attractive, but somehow hostile and inhospitable. Foreign orders, peculiarities, norms seem confusing and illogical to you. There is a feeling of disorientation in the new cultural environment. People's everyday life seems strange to you, their habits incomprehensible. You may constantly feel stressed or, conversely, not feel anything, as if your emotions are blocked.

During this period, you feel a strong need for your hometown and people from your country, nostalgia is felt daily, you read your home's newspaper, you want your national food, you want to hear your own national speech. Everything from your previous lifestyle seems better to you than the current one. Over time, you also discover the negatives of the place itself, for example, cold people, discrimination at the workplace, cumbersome bureaucracy or difficult access to health professionals (waiting for months). You realize that every region and every country has its negative sides, which you were not aware of before and which you have to deal with at the moment. Everywhere in the world, life requires you to work, take care of your daily needs and at some point you begin to wonder if everything you have sacrificed and abandoned was worth the price. This phase is extremely painful, and can lead to doubts whether the decision to emigrate was the right one! 

Those who left with their family go through this phase better than those who left alone. The family itself plays the role of a support system, communication between family members, adherence to native customs somewhat mitigates the acute feeling of isolation. However, there is another side effect that some families cannot withstand- the stress, especially if they carry problems from the past, and fall apart. All these things could lead to anxiety and depression, sometimes even to a loss of identity.

In the lines below, I will try to cover the most common signs that things are not going well psychologically and that you should pay attention to:

• Drinking alcohol more often and more than is normal for you. In an effort to feel part of the new society and suppress negative feelings, you reach for the cup more and more often. Sometimes so often that it becomes a bad habit. You have the unpleasant feeling that in order to communicate normally you have to drink. Often drinking is in the company of other expats, sharing the hardships of life abroad. Of course, sometimes the line between a bad habit and abuse is imperceptible.

• Unwillingness to socialize – you don't feel like going out at all, you don't want to meet new people, you avoid gatherings and any opportunities for contact with the new environment. Communicating only with relatives or compatriots. 

• Unwillingness to learn the local language – yes, strange as it may sound, this is quite common, you simply internally refuse to learn the new language, you have no motivation for it. In fact, in some cases, even after years of living abroad, you don't know more than a few basic words and phrases. 

• Unwillingness to integrate – another worrying condition that you should pay attention to is the unwillingness to integrate into the new country. Over time, you become more and more withdrawn, severely limiting your range of communication and activities. You do not want to learn more about the culture of the society in which you live, you are not interested in their customs, their cultural customs and you have no interest in fitting in in any way. You shop only in your national stores (if you have a Bulgarian store in the city you live, for example), listen to your nation's music, news, etc. In this case, it is not that it is bad to hold on to your native culture as this maintains your national identity, but here we are talking about a manic avoidance of foreign cultural customs as they are all a contagious disease. 

• Constantly sad and depressed state – you feel sadness, even grief at times. You can cry more often than usual and for no good reason, for example, when you hear a song in your language or just read bad news from your country. Very few things make you happy and are able to cheer you up. You have no motivation and feel meaningless in your daily life, you can’t find anyone to share these negative feelings with or you think that you won’t be understood. If this state continues for a longer period of time, it can turn into depression.

  
  

  

  
  

• Constant anxiety, panic attacks, or fears of any kind. The uncertainty of a new place and stress can trigger various anxiety and fear states, especially if the person was previously predisposed. In most cases, this is a stage that passes, but if it deepens over time and starts to seriously interfere with your daily life, don't be afraid to seek help. 

• Constant feeling of loneliness – a deep feeling of loneliness, someone has cut you off from your circle of friends and placed you among strange and hostile people. The social habits, culture of communication in the new place do not match yours and this bothers you. This loneliness is not relieved even by talking to loved ones.

• Deterioration of relationships with your partner , deterioration and exacerbation of relationships with your family in general. This phenomenon is extremely common and in most cases goes away on its own with time. However, there are cases in which it can worsen. 

• Burnout Syndrome – The culture shock phase can cause burnout syndrome. The overload you have been subjected to - moving, finding a new job, enrolling children in kindergarten or school if you have them, all this especially when you have no support, can lead to burnout. Burnout is a state of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress from the new environment. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted and unable to meet the constant demands. As an expatriate, you face many stressful changes in life away from home. The most common signs of burnout are: reduced work capacity, loss of job satisfaction and low commitment, decreased motivation, neglecting your own needs, negativity towards people around you or withdrawal from close relationships, loss of meaning in life, health problems; for example, headaches, digestive problems and frequent infections.

• Doubts in your own abilities and lowering your self-esteem – adapting to the new environment requires additional resources, questioning your coping abilities. In your own country, you probably had an established position in society, a profession and, accordingly, self-esteem built on these achievements. In a foreign country, everything starts from scratch, you have to prove yourself again. Many of the qualifications you have acquired do not meet the local standards and, accordingly, this sets you back in your career. There are also cases when you have to completely give up your profession and start something completely different. There is no way this will not affect your self-esteem and self-confidence. Your professional identity is in question and you do not feel appreciated, you are not respected or, even worse, you are clearly discriminated against. Over time, this begins to affect you in a rather negative way. 

• Loss of ground under one's feet – when a person is separated from their roots, from their environment, from their familiar circle of people, from the support of loved ones and friends, it is no wonder that they experience a loss of ground under their feet. This happens extremely often to people who have relied heavily on others in their lives in their home country. 

• Suspicion and over-caution. Paranoid states. Sometimes, when you adapt to a foreign environment and a culture that is very different from your own, you can become very suspicious, even paranoid. Thoughts like someone will lie to you, harm you, or rob you do not leave your mind. You are over-cautious about new acquaintances. 

Of course, this is by no means an exhaustive list of all the psychological difficulties that could arise as a consequence of your move abroad. The list could be quite long. The important thing is that they are completely surmountable and will not prevent you from achieving the desired life abroad, as long as you pay attention to them in time. Some of them are temporary and will disappear on their own, others you will have to make an effort, and with still others you may need to seek help from a specialist - especially if the condition worsens. A reason to seek help is if any of these signs become severe to the point that they interfere with your daily life (going to work or university, relationships with loved ones deteriorate, etc.). 

The last phase is the adaptation phase: This is the phase in which you start to adjust to the new environment, you calm down, you create a routine and a new circle of people. Most of all, you start to feel the place as your home and you have a desire to build a future there. You realize what is required of you as a citizen of the host country and what it can offer you, you can now realistically assess its advantages and disadvantages. You are also very aware of what you can achieve, you start to find a balance between expectations and reality. You have achieved confidence and self-esteem. 

How you could help yourself, make the adaptation process and psychological challenges of living abroad as easy as possible, here are some useful tips:

• Learning the language: a determining factor for integration. Without making an effort to learn the local language, it will be difficult to fully integrate.

• Socio-cultural and economic factors: depending on the continent, the “cultural gap” can sometimes be significant. In addition to spoken and written language, religion, thought patterns, habits and customs, moral values, behavior and social norms must be taken into account. Ignorance of the attitudes, habits and reactions of the host country and ignorance of its culture can be a significant prerequisite for adaptation problems.

• Researching the area you are living in abroad is essential for true adaptation. Buy a map of the city and take short walks. You will soon find shops and cafes in the neighborhood that you like and you will learn where to buy the freshest produce or where the best park is. Don’t hesitate to ask for help or directions. This way you will quickly connect with the locals. Join different clubs, attend various events, play sports, find a hobby. Of course these things seem obvious, but it is good to repeat them. 

• Give your new place a homey feel and a personal touch. You can even give your hotel room or furnished apartment a personal touch by putting up a few photos of your family and friends. Adding something that is near and dear to you to your new surroundings will make it easier to avoid homesickness and isolation.

• Accept the situation as it is! Don't run away from reality. Everything takes a certain amount of time before it can transition into something new. Don't look for immediate shortcuts. Accept the challenges of the new culture and country. Believe that gradually the situation will start to become more favorable. 

• Try not to suppress your emotions , you may feel like crying often. It is best to express your emotions, realizing that they are natural and normal. This is just a stage that will pass. 

• When it comes to new people you meet, try to communicate with your true self . You often feel that even though you are meeting new people, these friendships are still very superficial. To connect with people in a more meaningful and authentic way, start by showing more of your true self. This way, you will be able to create a new circle of friends who will help you not to become isolated.

• Adapt to the new country by trying to preserve your cultural identity – respect your country's traditions and customs, teach your children in your native language. 

The long journey is a challenge and a test that many people living abroad face. Some do everything possible, sometimes even only rely on their own strength, to survive and cope in the new place. The psychological challenges of living abroad are numerous and often underestimated by many. In summary, I want to emphasize that this is a natural process of adaptation and requires time, patience and courage. On the other hand, it is important to seek help if a condition worsens.