Psychological Maturity and Parenting. Raising Children into Infantilism: When Parents Haven’t Grown Up Themselves

Every parent wonders: How can I avoid problems in my relationship with my child? From the moment they see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test, future moms and dads often rush to buy books on parenting and child development. Today, being a parent feels almost like earning a degree in child psychology and harmonious development.

And yet, when facing the real, breathing little person — their own child — parents often find themselves struggling. The wisdom gleaned from books and experts seems to fly out the window. What remains is confusion and self-doubt. When critical decisions need to be made — practically every day — many young parents feel like lost boys and girls rather than confident adults.

Here lies a powerful paradox: While parenthood seems to confer adult status, it often reveals deep layers of personal immaturity. How to navigate psychological maturity and parenting.

Can Emotionally Immature Parents Truly Raise Secure, Confident Children?

According to Attachment Theory, a parent's primary role is to be a safe base for their child — to provide security and build a respectful relationship with a healthy hierarchy.

But can parents who haven't matured emotionally fulfill this role?

In traditional collectivist societies — like Bulgaria used to be — growing up was structured through rites of passage and clear family roles. Extended families played a crucial part in raising children. Today, much of that structure is lost. Our society has grown more individualistic, and as a result, often more infantile.

Now, many modern parents try to raise children without having fully grown up themselves. And no, this is not only about very young parents having babies early — it’s a widespread phenomenon.

So, What’s the Solution?

Some might argue: "Just don't have children until you're mature!"But human development doesn't work that way. Maturity is a lifelong process, and biologically, there's only a limited window for healthy reproduction.

The good news? Parenting is a powerful accelerator of personal growth. The first step toward becoming a mature parent is recognizing where and when your own immaturity shows up — and consciously choosing to act like an adult.

7 Essential Steps to Becoming a Mature Parent

1. Trust Your Own Judgment

Stop blindly following every parenting trend, guru, or book. Stay informed — but remember that no external advice should override your inner compass and your child's individual needs. Reflect on advice: Does it align with your values? Does it feel right for your child’s unique situation?

2. Accept That Different Opinions Exist

Parenting forums will show you one thing very quickly: There is no universal way to raise children.

Breastfeeding vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. crib training, baby carriers vs. strollers... Endless debates!

Mature parents respect diverse approaches and stay calm when their choices are different from others’. Parenting isn't a competition.

3. Embrace the Need to Care for the Vulnerable

Today's parents are often scared their child will "become too dependent." They rush independence: "Let them cry it out!" "Don’t spoil them with cuddles!"

In truth, children are biologically wired to need us deeply for a long time. Accepting their dependence — and providing reliable, loving care — builds the foundation for future autonomy.

4. Take Responsibility for Your Feelings and Actions

Saying things like "You're making me crazy!" or "You made me yell!" unfairly places adult emotions on tiny shoulders.

Your child isn't responsible for your emotions. Mature parents own their feelings and express them responsibly, for example: "When you shout, I feel frustrated because I need calm to think clearly."

This builds emotional awareness — in both parent and child.

5. Recognize That Your Child’s Achievements Are Not Your Own

It's tempting to boast:

"My kid walked at 10 months!"

"We speak three languages already!"

But children are not extensions of their parents' egos. Support your child's interests because they love it — not because it reflects your success.

Healthy pride is wonderful. Living through your child is not.

6. Avoid Absolutes

Mature language avoids extreme statements like "You always…" or "You never…"

When emotions are high, it’s easy to say things we don't truly mean:

"I'll never take you to the park again!"

"You never listen!"

These exaggerated statements break trust and breed fear rather than cooperation.

Instead, aim for clear, calm communication: describe the specific behavior that’s a problem, without global judgments.

7. Prioritize Inner Values Over External Rewards

Modern parenting sometimes confuses material abundance with good parenting. We offer gadgets, toys, bribes for grades... but what about nurturing inner values?

Teach your child that self-worth, contribution, creativity, and compassion matter more than material goods.

Final Thoughts

Becoming a parent doesn't magically make you an adult. But parenting gives us the best opportunity to grow up.

When you invest in your own emotional maturity, you become the solid, loving anchor your child needs to thrive.

And it all starts with one brave step: Noticing when you are still acting like a child — and choosing to do better.

At Omnia Psychology, we believe that growing as a parent means growing as a person. Your journey toward maturity is the greatest gift you can give your child — and yourself.