Healing from Abuse: Reclaiming Your Power and Peace

"They didn’t hurt you because you weren’t good enough. They hurt you because they were unhealed, unstable, and deeply limited in their own humanity." Siyana Yaneva, psychologist

This truth can feel like a cold splash of water — shocking but awakening. Abuse, whether emotional or physical, leaves deep scars, but those scars are not a reflection of your worth. They are reflections of the pain and limitations of the abuser.

Let me take you into a story. I once worked with a woman — let’s call her Anna — who came to me, smiling, put-together, high-functioning in her job. But her eyes betrayed exhaustion. She would describe her husband as "stressed, not abusive." She would say, “He’s not perfect, but who is?” It took us weeks of trust-building for her to admit that she sometimes flinched when he entered the room. That she controlled how much water she drank to avoid nighttime arguments. That she had bruises she couldn’t explain to others, and explanations she practiced in case someone asked.

This is abuse. And she’s not alone.

What Is Abuse, Really?

Abuse is any behavior used to control, intimidate, harm, or disempower another person. It is not limited to physical violence. In fact, emotional abuse can often be more insidious, more manipulative, and longer-lasting.

Abuse is not always visible. Many victims live in silence for years, because they are financially dependent, emotionally blackmailed, or have been groomed to believe they are the problem.

Types of Abuse

1. Physical Abuse:

• Bruises, burns, or injuries with inconsistent explanations

• Frequent "accidents" or clumsiness as a cover

• Being shoved, slapped, punched, choked, or restrained

• Isolation from friends/family to reduce outside visibility

• Monitoring their time, controlling access to a car or phone

Psychoportrait of the Physically Abused Victim:

• Hypervigilant, always assessing the environment for danger

• Flinching at sudden movements or raised voices

• Often minimizes the abuse or blames themselves

• May stay because they fear for their life or the lives of their children

• Emotionally numb or overly compliant

• Frequently in survival mode

• Frequently was abused as a child as well

2. Emotional and Psychological Abuse:

• Gaslighting: Making you question your reality

• Name-calling, humiliation, degrading comments

• Isolation from friends or family

• Controlling what you wear, say, or how you act

• Threats of harm, suicide, or abandonment

Other types of abuse include:

• verbal

• sexual

• spiritual

• financial (e.g. limiting access to money, controlling shared finances)

• reproductive coercion (e.g. breaking condoms, interfering with birth control access)

• digital (e.g. stalking, checking activity, demanding passwords or access to your phone)

Psychoportrait of the Emotionally Abused Victim:

• Low self-worth, constant self-doubt

• Apologizing excessively

• Difficulty making decisions independently

• Often perfectionists, trying to avoid “provoking” the abuser

• High-functioning externally but anxious and hypercritical internally

• Financially controlled, even if they work (e.g., no access to their bank accounts)

How Abuse Affects the Victim Over Time

Abuse doesn’t just hurt in the moment — it reshapes how a person sees the world, themselves, and others. Many victims develop:

• Perfectionism — If I’m perfect, they won’t hurt me.

• Guilt and shame — Maybe I deserved this.

• Hyper-independence — I won’t let anyone close again.

• Dependency — I can’t survive without them.

• Anxiety or panic attacks — Especially around authority figures or conflict.

• Difficulty trusting — People become potential threats.

• Depression or numbness — A learned detachment from overwhelming pain.

  
  

  • Depending on the situation, you may experience some of the following feelings or thoughts:

• missing your abuser (ex, caregiver etc.)

• feeling lonely or isolated

• debating going back to the relationship

• feeling uncertain or unable to make decisions by yourself

• feelings of anxiety or depression

• finding it difficult to feel independent

• a lingering fear or sense of being in danger or not safe

• symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

  
  

  In the same time, you may have positive feelings, too. Sometimes a survivor can feel a sense of freedom, as if the huge heaviness has been removed, described also by domestic violence Cyprus.

  Some days, you might feel confident, strong, and fulfilled in your decision. Other days you may be overwhelmed by fear, sadness, anxiety and question everything. As a psychologist in Cyprus, Bulgaria and online, I faced those overwhelming changes and I can guide you through them. All of these feelings, from feeling free and empowered to feeling lonely and missing your abuser, are completely normal.

  
  

Common Misbeliefs Victims Carry:

• “It wasn’t that bad.” — If you have to justify it, it was that bad.

• “They love me, they just don’t know how to show it.” — Abuse is not love.

• “If I leave, I’ll be alone forever.” — You may feel alone now, but you are not. Help exists.

• “I should have tried harder.” — You already tried everything. It’s not your fault.

  
  

How to Begin Healing

Healing starts when you stop carrying someone else’s shame.

Steps Toward Freedom:

1. Recognize that it’s abuse. Language matters. Say it aloud!

2. Seek support. Different types of therapy can help you rebuild your reality. You will be surprised. ( it is important to lean on professional help such as: friends and family, hotlines, psychotherapy- cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), holistic, integrative and more, support groups, support centers)

3. Create safety. Develop an exit plan if needed. Call hotlines. Talk to friends.

4. Reconnect with yourself. Journaling, therapy, safe spaces help rewire the identity that abuse tried to erase.

5. Rebuild your nervous system. Abuse dysregulates your sense of safety. Learn to breathe, to ground, to calm your body.

Courage vs. Fear

“Not having fears is stupid and unhuman. We are healing such people without fears. Courage, on the other hand, is being scared and acting anyway. And it's easier to show courage, than to waste your life in fear.” Siyana Yaneva, psychologist

You don’t need to wait until you’re unafraid to act. You don’t need to have it all figured out to leave. You just need one small step. Then another.

It’s easier to face your fears than to live enslaved by them. A life lived in fear is a wasted one.

Final Thoughts

You were never too much. Never too sensitive. Never unworthy.

Abuse makes you forget your power. But it’s still there.

As a psychologist in Limassol, Bulgaria and online, my deepest joy is helping you find it again — gently, safely, in your time.

I’m here. You are not alone anymore.

Contact me or book a session with me to share your story and begin now. Check our therapy services or read more the blog.